Green card hostages: how to find protection from a sadistic husband and avoid deportation

They are afraid of their husbands, deportation and the police. Some do not want their relatives back home to know about their situation. And they are also very afraid of condemnation, they say, everyone will say that she wanted to stay in the USA so much that she married a rapist, and now she’s crying! This is probably the saddest moment of all stories in which the main character is an immigrant who suffers humiliation for the sake of the coveted green card.

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It is enough to open any women's forum of Russian-speaking Americans and in the top messages (usually anonymous) there is a cry for help from a wife who, for various reasons, depends on her husband, and the husband shamelessly abuses this. The range of bullying is wide, including isolation, verbal abuse, and intimidation with threats.

They cannot help themselves because the newly arrived wives often do not have the opportunity to earn immediately, as they are waiting for legalization in the country. Yes, they can be helped by lawyers, human rights organizations, they will be given a place in a shelter and will be helped with clothes and lost documents. But they cannot hide from condemnation, which often comes from former compatriots.

And most importantly, they either don’t know or don’t believe that they can get immigration status and a green card without a sadistic husband, on the basis of VAWA - Violence Against Women Act. This law allows you to apply for a green card to foreign women who are married to a US citizen or a green card holder if they have been the victim of domestic violence.

“Well, he still does not hit ...”

Blonde and fragile Irina P. lives in Brooklyn with her little daughter. She is without exaggeration beautiful. She has a melodious voice and a philosophical attitude to the situation.

• Now I talk about it so calmly,” she laughs. — In fact, it took two years to recover.

In February, 2017, Irina, together with her lawyer, filed documents: the reason for obtaining the green card was the violence in marriage. There are still no documents, but Ira believes and waits.

— I came here eight and a half years ago on a J1 visa. And I got into an idiotic relationship,” says Irina. — A daughter was born very quickly and just as quickly I was left alone with her... After some time, I met Evgeniy. He is a naturalized American, divorced, and has a disabled child from his first marriage. We started dating and then living together. We rented an apartment for two. Our relationship was not stable, but I am that same Russian woman who justifies and justifies everything. Either he would blow my mind, then he would come running with flowers, and I would forgive everything. He asked me to marry him, and on November 23, 2015 we got married. Exactly a month later, on Christmas Day, after the scandal, he left for his ex-wife.

—Did he say something to you at the same time? — I clarify.

- No, but he called our lawyer, who had already prepared all the papers, Zhenya only had to sign them. And he said that he would not sign anything. At the same time, he was terribly afraid that I would apply for a green card precisely because of the abuse. And he started to scare me - I’ll deport you, just try to do something to me... I wasn’t going to do anything at all. I just wanted to leave, I was looking for an apartment for myself and my daughter. In February we signed a separation document.

By this time, he took from me everything he had given, right up to the child’s tablet. I could not stand it at some stage and put all his gifts into the corner, right down to his underwear.

I also consulted with two different lawyers, I still couldn’t believe that I could get some documents and that this was the very same abuse - after all, he didn’t beat me, yes, he humiliated me, yes he threatened, but he didn’t beat me. And I thought that lawyers lie to get money.

- That's why you applied for green card already a year or more?

“I didn’t intend to submit these documents at all.” But it turned out like this: Zhenya was included in the child’s school card, because we lived together for a long time. Then, when he left, I went to school and entered it again - don’t give my child to this man! But one day my daughter got sick, she didn’t go to school for a day, the second... The teacher couldn’t get through to me and called him. He told her that I was a worthless mother and that was why he wanted to meet with the director. And so a man who has nothing to do with my child went to the school and met with the teacher and the director. And then he said that he would take the child from me, saying that I was a bad mother, and this would only benefit the girl. This happened in May 2016 and that’s when I reared up and went to court to ask order of protect. He was very scared and ran there with his lawyer. We spent a long time sorting things out, besides, I was still looking for housing, and I was also trying to find my husband’s documents - he even took the marriage certificate, I had to break into the table and secretly make copies. As a result, I applied for a green card in February of this year, and a little earlier my husband sent a letter to the immigration department, written by his lawyer, saying that I was lying and that I did not have the right to receive documents because there was no violence. Today I’m just glad that I don’t see him, because at first he lived in two apartments. He came to our shared apartment and told me: “According to the papers, you are actually my wife!” I want it and you can sleep with me!” God knows, I didn’t want him to suffer in any way in this situation, but he forced me.

Фото: Depositphotos

Counsel's advice: the injured party must act

“There won’t be any consequences for the husband here!” lawyer Yulia Nikolaeva comments on the situation. Immigration makes a decision only on the immigration status of the abused spouse. By the way, they can be a man too.

All you have to do is prove that you were married to a citizen of America or a green card holder, that the marriage was not fictitious, and that there was physical or psychological violence.

The participation of the spouse in this process is not implied, the decision is made solely on the basis of information and documents provided by the injured party. The police deal with the rest, provided that the injured party turns there.

No, you are not deported!

Immigrant women who say this should know that threats from an American citizen spouse that he will deport her or refuse to sponsor her status are a type of psychological abuse and grounds for applying for a green card through VAWA.

It's not just about physical abuse. Any psychological violence, insults, deprivation of money, restriction of freedom, sex against the will - all this is the basis for filing green card via VAWA.

VAWA stands for Violence Against Women Act. This law is more than twenty years old, it was developed with the participation of Senator Joe Biden and allows those foreigners who are married to an American citizen or green card holder who have experienced or are experiencing domestic violence to apply for a green card. The law is very flexible - even if you are divorced or your American spouse has died, you have the right to apply for documents for another two years after the date of divorce or death. More information about receiving green card via VAWA can be read here.

“Yes, this is something wrong with me ...”

Svetlana is also young and beautiful. And she has a child from the first relationship and an American husband who decided to teach her a lesson ...

“I really loved the young man who lived in the building next door to us. Our town is small; my mother and I lived in the Volga region. There are many women, no men. And Vadim was never deprived of female attention. Therefore, I was nothing to him, just an empty place. And then he left for America. And after a while he found me on Odnoklassniki, called me to his place, promised love until death, and children, and a house with a lawn... I don’t remember how I borrowed money, how I received a tourist visa - everything was in a fog. I flew to him in New York on wings.

Only after three months of living together, and then accidentally, Svetlana learned that Vadim in the United States, too, on a tourist visa and the opportunity to “make” documents for her he does not have. He would have done ...

“A week after this news, another one came - I’m pregnant... I cried and didn’t know what to do. Lenders were harassing my mother; she couldn’t pay off her debts - we live in the Volga region, where salaries are small. Mom also cried and kept saying - do whatever you want, just don’t come back!

In due time, Svetlana and Vadim had a son - a copy of dad. Which, however, did not deter Vadim - he left the family when the boy was only three months old.

“I’m glad I did two things,” says Svetlana. “I didn’t go back, otherwise I would have been hanging around there alone with the child.” And she didn’t marry Vadim. He called, but I said that I would only marry someone who has status. After that, Vadim left and we never saw him again. He never paid child support, and generally hides the fact that he has a son. We don’t communicate, but I know this from mutual friends, as well as the fact that he is still illegal and cannot change this in any way.

When her son was three years old, Svetlana met Dmitry, naturalized by an American, who by then had lived in the country for more than twenty years. Dmitry was divorced, in the former family from his American wife were twin daughters.

“I kept feeling sorry for him that he got the bitch - and frayed his nerves during the divorce, and demanded alimony such that as soon as poor Dimochka would pay it! And Dima pecked at me little by little, now I understand that he was testing how far he could go. And my English is crap, and I myself don’t feel the words and the roots in them, otherwise I would have learned it a long time ago. And I have a male figure - a narrow bottom and a wide top. And his daughters don’t want to communicate with me, but they are so sociable! By the way, I hardly saw my daughters - Dima had few visits with them, he could not sue. My son is stupid, and I myself am the same. I took all this as criticism, I thought that he wanted to make us better, that this was all for our benefit. And I stretched out as best I could - I took English courses, studied at home, bought and gave gifts to his daughters, although it was expensive - I earned pennies, because then we were not even married yet. I really wanted him to marry me, but not because of the documents, but because, as it seemed to me, I fell in love. In fact, I became emotionally dependent. We got married.

At the wedding, he said for all that he did it out of pity, I turned everything into a joke. Then he refused to sign documents for two months. And when I asked for it again, I was beaten, saying that it was only for me that I needed him, and that if I love, I will live with him and without them, as I used to live.

“Why didn’t you go to the police immediately after that?” - I ask.

- Because I decided that I was to blame, that there was something wrong with me... After all, he never beat his first wife, he would not even dare to think about it. Then I didn’t understand that the executioner felt his victim. Plus, he then came crawling with flowers and sweets in the evening, swore and swore that he would never do it again, that he just decided that I didn’t need me... And I forgave. Immediately after that, he signed everything, paid and we sent the documents. The second time he attacked me was when I had to go get my fingerprints. I screamed then - I have to take prints tomorrow! - He got scared and stopped. And I decided - I’ll get a green card and leave right away. I didn’t know that I shouldn’t wait... I also thought - he’s a US citizen, and who am I? How can I prove that he beat me? We are always the perfect couple for our neighbors. In general, I have such an attitude towards life - don’t take anything out of the apartment.

Today, Svetlana and her son are still living in a shelter. Documents she received. The police on the former husband never stated, deciding that she does not want to cause him trouble.

Фото: Depositphotos

Advocate Counsel: state to the police

If you have been physically abused, immediately report to the police. Domestic violence - This is a very serious crime that is punishable to the fullest. It is so serious that not US citizens, but holders green card may even lose their residence permit and be deported home.

Who is he and who am I ...

My notebook is swollen with stories of this kind, and my Facebook and phone are full of them. The “arguments” and fears of the victims are like carbon copies, usually it all comes down to the phrase - who is he! (legal US citizen) and who am I - a tourist, an illegal immigrant, a “Jayvan girl”... in general, someone you can wipe your feet on, someone you can beat, humiliate, rape... Women not only don’t know their rights, they don’t seem to want to know them . You listen to their stories and just want to scream.

“Yes, and I want to scream,” a random acquaintance named Alina tells me. We met through Facebook - we both commented on another anonymous plea for help: “Save him, he’s kidding me!”

Alina volunteers to help such women, she volunteers to herself, but she doesn’t want to show her face, says that it can scare women whom she has already helped and those who can help:

— What my experience tells me: women don’t go to the police for three reasons: they don’t know the language, they don’t have money for lawyers and, most importantly, they are blackmailed by their husbands. This is what I would call immigration blackmail,” she tells me. “Like, I’ll report you and you’ll be thrown out of the country in 24 hours!” In recent years, however, the trend has changed slightly. Now, more and more often, husbands do this: when they realize that their wife is about to go to the police, they become quiet, and then suddenly they are the first to declare, and their statement is a linden from the first to the last letter.

One of my good friends ended up in the hospital due to stress when her husband came home with the police. He told the cops that she was going to poison him with penicillin, which he was allergic to. This medicine was never in the house. Later she asked her husband: “And if the police asked you where I could buy that penicillin without a prescription, what would you answer?” He said: “I would answer that for you Russians this is not a problem. You can go to your own people and they will sell it without a prescription. Do you think she's the smartest? If you blather, I’ll put you in prison!” By the way, he really was allergic to this drug. As a result, she now lives in panic fear that he will accuse her of attempted murder. Brought to the point of nervous exhaustion. She doesn’t have money for lawyers, but that’s not so bad. I gave her the phone numbers for social services and the number for a domestic violence shelter in her area. But she is so afraid that she will be deported, and she does not apply anywhere. Lives wherever and however necessary. I don't know how to help her. I say: “Natasha, I beg you, let’s go to the shelter!” She's like a parrot: he's an American, and I'm nobody! I think this issue should always be raised at the state level. After all, this has been going on for many years!

Free help

At any time of the day, any day of the week, you can call the national domestic violence hotline. (National Domestic Violence Hotline) - 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224. This line can help with a Russian-speaking translator and has information about special centers and shelters. There you can also find out what medical, legal and other assistance you can get. The same information is available https://www.izakayasushilounge.com hotline.

The hotline 1-800-621-HOPE operates in New York. She, like all similar services, works 24 hours a day, and the dispatchers speak ten different languages ​​(including Russian).

In New York, help is free if you contact Domestic shelters - there are addresses of shelters, help from a psychologist, useful articles from the series - what exactly is considered violence against a person, terrifying statistics and much more.

It can also help in Safe horizon is a non-profit organization providing assistance to victims of violence in New York. Since 1978, employees “Safe horizon " helped thousands of Big Apple residents in a difficult life situation.

According to online surveys, only 7% of women have information about shelters, social workers, psychologists and lawyers provided by the city. All the others in the event of a tragedy call 911. Or do not call at all anywhere. However, in New York, several centers in different parts of the city are open to protect and support women at once:

Bronx Family Law Center: 198 East 161th Street, Bronx, NY 10451 Metro: 4, B or D to 161st Street Yankee Stadium station. Bus: BX1, BX2, BX6 and BX13

Brooklyn Family Law Center: 350 Jay Street, Brooklyn, NY 11201 Metro: A, C, F or R to Jay Street or 2, 3, 4 or 5 to Borough Hall. Bus: B25, B26, B38, B51, B54, B57, B61, B65, B67 and B75

Manhattan Family Law Center: 80 Center Street, New York, NY 10013 Metro: 4, 5 or 6 to Brooklyn Bridge-City Hall Station, J or Z to Chambers Street, N or R to City Hall, 1, 2 or 3 to Chambers Street, or A or C to Chambers Street. Bus: M5, M9, M22 and M103

Queens Family Law Center: 126-02 82nd Avenue, Kew Gardens, NY 11415 Metro: E or F to Kew Gardens-Union Turnpike. Bus: Q10, Q37, Q46 and Q60

Victims residing on Staten Island should be contacted for help and advice from the Task Force on Combating Domestic Violence at 311.

The centers are open from Monday to Friday inclusive from 09.00 to 17.00 Telephone to contact the nearest center: 311.

The Center for Family Law gives advice in case you need to leave the house urgently.

Collect the following important documents for yourself and your children:

- Passports, green cards, work permits

- Social Security cards, birth certificates

- Bank statements, credit cards, checkbooks

- Tax returns, payment receipts

- House bill, lease agreement

- Security order

- Custody and visitation orders

- Marriage certificate

- Vaccination map and school report cards for children

- Address book and prepaid mobile phone

- A photo of the perpetrator

- The documents that you have that prove the facts of violence, including e-mails, SMS text messages and diary entries.

Put money, spare keys, clothes, medicines, and the important documents listed above in your bag in advance and keep the bag in a safe place or among those you trust.

Words that you should know when you ask for help:

Spousal abuse - an offensive, unequal relationship built on the superiority of one spouse over the other.

Abuse - physical humiliation, insults, threats.

neglect - failure to provide a dependent person with food, clothing, housing, hygiene items, and medical care.

Domestic violence - domestic violence.

National Sexual Abuse Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673) national network for rape, ill-treatment and incest

National Center for Missing Children and Abused Children 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678) www.missingkids.com

National Center for Victims of Crime 1-800-FYI-CALL (1-800-394-2255) 1-800-211-7996 (phone for the deaf)

The main task of these organizations is to provide security and protection.

In parallel with domestic violence, other forms of exploitation can sometimes occur, including trafficking in persons, in cases where exploitation involves forced labor, services or commercial sex. At these addresses and phone numbers you can get help with issues related to human trafficking:

National Center for Assistance in Trafficking in Persons 1-888-373-7888 (around the clock, 7 days a week)

Lawyer: “If your marriage is not fictitious, you are protected by law”

Lawyer Yulia Nikolaeva has long been writing about everything related to problematic relationships on her Facebook page, urging women not to be afraid to go to the police and to lawyers.

The lawyer says: “I recently had one interesting case in my practice: a girl met a very charming American during a visit to the USA. They began a whirlwind romance that lasted several months. At that time she was visiting her relatives here. And then she returned home to Ukraine. Four months later, she flew to the United States again, but this time on a fiancee visa. At home, the girl left an enviable career, a fairly comfortable life, and brought with her five thousand dollars - for the first time. They got married, but very soon the husband realized that he was not ready “for such responsibility” and kicked his wife out of the house, having previously pocketed all her savings.”

“We submitted the documents. She got green card for ten years,” says Yulia Nikolaeva. - Don't be afraid of anything. If your marriage is not fictitious, you are protected by law.”

The lawyer made his own list of recommendations for those who are in a toxic relationship, the first advice on this list is still preventive:

• Try to avoid any dependence: financial, physical, moral self-sufficiency is a guarantee against getting into such situations.
• If, however, you find yourself in such a situation, then a) do not be afraid; b) be aware of your rights; c) do not do nothing, protect your rights.
• Remember that no one has the right to use violence against you, IN ANY KIND - neither psychological nor physical. No one has the right to restrict your freedom, intimidate or blackmail. If this happens, do not hope that “it was an accident,” that “it will never happen again,” that it was “the last time.” The longer you delay, the further the situation will go and the greater moral losses you will have to get out of it, but you still have to get out, the ostrich tactics don’t work here.
• If you have been physically abused, immediately report to the police. Your offender will be punished, not you.
• If violence is not so obvious and is expressed in humiliation, restriction of freedom, denial of access to finance, forced sex, or just moral abuse, it makes sense to discuss with your doctor or, for example, a gynecologist. Doctors will direct you to specialists who will help to cope with stress and live through the situation with the least loss for themselves. In some cases, they themselves report to the police or send them to special organizations dealing with this problem and having all the necessary information about resources and options.
• Remember you can always call the National Domestic Violence Hotline - National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224. This line has information about special centers and shelters for women and what kind of medical, legal and other assistance you can get. You can find more information at Online hotline.

And do not be afraid. Love yourself, respect yourself and in no case let yourself be offended. In this country there are plenty of resources to protect themselves and their children. Believe in yourself and act.

To learn more about what rights an immigrant has in case of domestic violence, also read tips from the US Department of State, which ForumDaily translated specifically for you: How do immigrants protect themselves in case of domestic violence

Read also on ForumDaily:

How Foreigners Get American Citizenship Through Bogus Marriages

Where to go for help if you live hard in the US

How an illegal immigrant can get a green card

Personal experience: come to the US for a tour and ask for asylum

For whom immigration to the United States can be a fatal mistake

The ten most common mistakes when applying for a green card

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