Left to return: why did the immigrant leave the USA and move his American wife to Ukraine

Dmitry Rachkovsky married an American woman and went to live with her, but then he nevertheless moved her to Ukraine. Why he decided to return to his homeland, how he lived in the USA, and how his wife now lives in Ukraine, he told Andrey Shevchuk on my blog for publication MC.Today.

Photo: Shutterstock

Next is a story from the perspective of Dmitry Rachkovsky.

In 2013, I started dating my future wife, Riley, and we already knew we were going to have a wedding. When we got married, she was 19 years old, she was in her second year, and she still had 2-3 years to study. We didn’t see the point of video communication for 3 years.

I know that many people dream of seeing the States. I will not deceive: I was also very happy when I realized that I would go. My dream came true thanks to my wife.

My get-together there was not an immigrant: for four years in the United States, I did not have a single Ukrainian friend. We lived in Iowa, where there are no Ukrainian immigrants at all, but I never looked for them. The whole world of my wife is Americans.

It was very difficult at first. Firstly, all day you do not speak Russian or Ukrainian, and for the first two months in the evening my head just exploded. In the evening I would go to my room and watch TV shows in Russian or Ukrainian, just so my brain could rest.

Americans have a different rhythm of life, they have no time to be friends

This is one of the things that I didn’t like in the USA - the friendship there is at a very superficial level. And it's not easy to find people who are willing to invest in friendships. I met real friends two years later when we moved to Kansas; we are best friends with them now. They were of the same kind as my friends in Ukraine. These people did not just promise something in words, but tried to develop relationships. They supported us, called us, were ready to meet, and for my part I did the same.

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Although in the early years I tried to be friends, people were not interested. I think in the second case it happened because my new acquaintances looked at the world more broadly and they had the experience of living in Europe. They understood that the minus of Americans is superficial relationships.

This does not mean that Americans are bad people, just the way of life itself. They work very hard, study, and there is no time for communication. The pace of life makes it impossible for them to invest in friendships. They have no time to come to visit. They don't call each other that often. All by phone and SMS. Everyone has two or three jobs.

Ukrainian diploma in the USA means nothing

I worked in a warehouse, in a store, as a delivery driver. When you come to the USA, a Ukrainian diploma means nothing. Perhaps, if you are a programmer, then there is a chance to get a job in your specialty, but not in other cases. Therefore, you can only find work that does not require qualifications.

It didn't upset me. To be honest, I didn't care. I was just ready to do any job. I understand that what we learned in Ukraine was in the USA 50 years ago.

In the first two years when Riley was studying, we didn't have enough money, so I had two jobs. In my first job, 40 hours a week, I loaded materials in the warehouse and then delivered them. Then after the main work I went to the sports store. There I would fold my bikes or walk around the gym and rearrange my T-shirts to make them look good.

The result was a 55-hour workweek. After graduation, Riley found a job as an assistant veterinarian in Kansas, and I was a truck driver doing delivery.

Why I decided to return to Ukraine

We have always wanted to return to Ukraine and be missionaries. I really enjoyed working with athletes and coaches in Ukraine.

As a Christian, I understood that I was faced with a choice: either to live comfortably for myself, or to follow God's will. So it was a difficult decision after four years of living comfortably in the United States.

You start to get used to the fact that you can buy yourself a new iPhone at any time, you have two cars, you have money for charity. We even began to postpone our return and said that someday we would go to Ukraine later. But I felt it was going to happen.

Ukrainians think that Americans are super rich, but our income corresponded to the lowest level, but for me this level provided the best conditions in which I have ever lived. I can't even imagine the average level of an American, because for me it was the ultimate dream. And I understood that when I return to Ukraine, my income will not be the same. Therefore, you lose a certain personal comfort, plus the general comfort of the country itself is imposed.

I didn't live in the USA as an immigrant

The fact that I am married to an American woman helped me to become more "in" the American society.

If I came as an immigrant myself, I would most likely be looking for a place where other Ukrainian immigrants are gathered. The adaptation would be very different. In the diaspora, you simply continue your usual Ukrainian life, but on American soil. In my case, I ended up in the American world and lived like Americans.

This is the difference: many Ukrainians go to the United States even without knowing the language, they find countrymen, find work, but this is half American life, because you live like a Ukrainian anyway.

I met with our immigrants and I really didn't like it. Because they transferred their culture to the States and continue to live the same way. They do not try to assimilate, and when you get to their area, you find yourself in the USSR.

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These people do not want to learn the language, they come up with and scroll different schemes. I believe that if you move to another country, at least learn to live there as the locals do, and do not bring and demonstrate your worst. If you don't like Ukraine, move and start living differently. But if you create Ukraine in the USA, it turns out that you are some kind of semi-patriot.

Plans for the future

I cannot say that we are in Ukraine forever. I don't know how long we will be here. We work for an American organization that is growing and we don't know where we might end up over time.

Riley has a family in the United States, and there may be circumstances that will force us to turn back. Or suddenly in 20 years we will realize that we have done enough and will be ready to return. Therefore, we do not claim that we are here forever.

We also want children in the future. And we will see what is best for our family.

It was hard for my wife to move to Ukraine, but she agreed to move here because she also wants to serve God. Even before we got married, I told her that I wanted to serve in Ukraine, and she supported me, so for us it was a sign that we can move on in our relationship.

But it's not easy for her. She is trying to get used to the fact that people are not always polite and understand that not everything is created for the comfort of people. Therefore, she sometimes has to put up with the fact that people do things that she does not even understand.

When Americans move to Ukraine, they pay a higher price than we do when we move to the United States. Although this is her conscious decision and she tries, it is still difficult for her.

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