The benefits of nostalgia: why do all immigrants miss their homeland

Probably, none of the issues relevant to immigrants causes such contradictory responses as nostalgia. In the Russian-speaking environment, one can meet the most extreme points of view on this topic.

Фото: Depositphotos

On the one hand, many people living in Russia are convinced that the Russian people are not able to live without their own country, and therefore, in any other part of the world, they are doomed to eternal torture by nostalgia. Contrary to this view, many immigrants who have been living in the United States for 10 years or more claim that they adapted easily enough and never experienced homesickness. At the same time, a balanced answer to the question of whether an immigrant can do without nostalgia, and why sorrow for what has been lost, is quite difficult to find.

Why are we sad?

Meanwhile, the psychologists notethat the stage of nostalgia, or immigrant depression, is experienced to some extent by all those who have moved to another country, and it is as natural as other stages. Researchers tend to identify 4 or 5 stages of adaptation to life in a new country, the first of which is idealization (the so-called “honeymoon” of an immigrant).

Then follows stage of disappointment and even anger, connected not only with the objective difficulties that arose during adaptation, but also with the fact that the body is simply exhausted under the influence of stress. After that, approximately the phase of gradual recovery begins, and it is on it that nostalgia wakes up.

Some researchers compare immigration with the stages of loss experience developed by the American psychologist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross. This is denial, aggression, depression and acceptance. But the denial of loss - this is basically idealization, when a person is in a state of euphoria and delight from a new country. However, he really does not feel any nostalgia and believes that he has not lost anything at all, but only gained much more than he had before.

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Kubler-Ross calls the next stage aggression, in other words, disappointment. Here a person begins to be annoyed by something that he had not paid attention to before, and even by something that he could like upon arrival.

However, even at this moment he is not yet up to the memories of the past - rather, the immigrant at this stage is absorbed by the new difficulties that have arisen. The next stage is depression, or, more simply, nostalgia. Then one comes to terms with the inevitable and accepts it.

Sometimes between the stages of aggression and depression there is a stage of bargaining, but this is not found in everyone, and is more applicable to the "classic" experience of loss than to immigration. However, according to experts, four main stages are always present.

Ban on sadness

The stages listed above are universal, and are suitable for a variety of types of immigrants from a variety of countries. However, many people, especially those from Russia, are afraid of nostalgia and often forbid themselves to feel homesick. In part, this fear is based on the experience of past generations, repeatedly shown in the literature.

The famous "Russian blues", the disease of homesickness that permeates the memories of many Russian immigrants, especially those who left the country after the revolution, can often instill in us anxiety that, if "unleashed" by nostalgia, it can destroy our just begun happy life in immigration.

In addition, as already noted, nostalgia does not come immediately, but approximately 2 or even 4 years after the start of immigration, that is, when, according to our calculations, we would already have to adapt to life in a new country, moreover, when we sincerely believe that already adapted.

It is not known where the surging memories at such a moment can frighten us and arouse the desire to “fight back” the “destructive” feeling and prove at least to ourselves that the image of a Russian immigrant tormented by melancholy in a foreign land, glorified in literature, is certainly not about us.

However, practice shows that the stage of nostalgia passes, like all previous stages, and is the last link before the final restoration and adaptation. Moreover, he fulfills his very important task: to say goodbye to the past and let it go. The fact is that along with all the beautiful things that you have acquired in immigration, there will always be things that you will lose forever.

In fact, this is the general principle of our life, whether you live at home or abroad. Over time, there is always something that can no longer be returned. Therefore, any life cycle involves mourning.

Another thing is that under normal conditions, we most often do not feel the process of change or loss so vividly. The world around us and ourselves are changing gradually, and we do not notice how some elements are forever becoming a thing of the past. immigration makes this process more vivid and tangible.

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Moreover, having left, we understand that we no longer have the opportunity to go back, because returning to this already changed country, in fact, will become our second immigration. The country, even in a couple of years, could change quite dramatically, and even during our life abroad we have new habits and needs. And most importantly, we still do not have and will not have a chance to return to our youth.

Therefore, the only thing that can be done in this situation is only to mourn the past and somehow live on, just going forward. Tears are a mechanism for responding to traumatic situations inherent in us by nature itself. If we do not allow ourselves to accept our sorrow and say goodbye to the past, moreover, we do not even allow ourselves to feel our own longing, we will have to carry with us all our luggage of tears that have not been shed. This load can not only worsen the mood, but also the psychological state until the onset of clinical depression.

From love to hate

The stage of nostalgia is even more difficult for people who, for quite objective reasons, feel negative towards their former homeland. These may be political refugees, people who have been persecuted at home, or simply those who, by their inner convictions, do not approve of the current politics of their country.

It is most difficult for them to admit to themselves that they regret something that remains in the past: the very past with which they, it would seem, finally said goodbye a few years ago, and wholeheartedly hoped for a new life.

However, a feeling trapped deep in the soul, even unconscious, can not only truly poison the feeling of happiness, but also constantly seeks a way out. Excessive interest in events in Russia, not related to professional activities, the constant relish of the news (for some - negative, for others, on the contrary, exclusively positive), a constant need to compare how it was “there” and how it became “Here” - all this may be signs of repressed nostalgia.

What to do?

The best option here is the normal passage of the stage of nostalgia, with the recognition and acceptance of their feelings. Do not depreciate the good that has been experienced at home, and even more so forbid yourself to think about it. On the contrary, you should be creative in approaching your longing and transform it first into bright sadness, and then into happy memories that can become your resource in the future.

At the same time, sadness can be sublimated into creativity, gradually letting go of the former homeland for good. Also at this stage you will begin to catch the feeling of a new homeland, which will gradually replace a melancholy.

It is possible that the stage of nostalgia will somewhat change the circle of your communication. Along with critical or enthusiastic friends, you will need to find wiser friends who understand life in all its many shades and know that the world around you is by no means black and white.

And then in a few years you will feel that you are returning to your normal state, and your life will take on its normal course - as if you were living in your own country.

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