What to do if you are sad in immigration - ForumDaily
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What to do if you are sad in immigration

After spending months in emigration, journalist and traveler Sergei Korol discovered several ways to psychologically survive the move. By request "RBC Style"He wrote instructions for those who suddenly decided to go live in another country.

Фото: Depositphotos

In 2016, my friends went "en masse." Some collected letters of recommendation for the O1 American visa, it seemed that all creative Muscovites signed each other these letters. Others searched the documents for downtrodden Jewish roots in order to straighten them in the Holy Land or at least exchange them for an Israeli passport.

Most of the IT people I knew went over the vacancies, had interviews, went to the bride. Managers of Russian companies were no longer surprised to find a forgotten English-language resume in the printer. Everyone went and I went.

It seemed to all of us that we were moving to a new world, as if doing a level-up in a computer game and moving on to a new level. It seemed to us that now life will be reset to zero, everything will start anew and it will definitely be better. Now let's live guys. But at the new level of this computer game it turned out to be much more complicated than the previous one.

During the months of emigration, I realized how psychologically difficult it was to move. I'll tell you what difficulties await after the move and how to prepare for them.

Friends

The first thing that will suffer after emigration is your social connections. At home there will be a group of friends, which will be difficult to see: you will not plan a party for a couple of months, and on rare occasional home visits everyone is traditionally busy with their business.

Фото: Depositphotos

Old friends leave easily, new ones do not appear. It seems that by the age of thirty the ability to make friends will completely atrophy, and you continue to live with those who already exist and have remained. Foreigners around you are poorly suited to friends. First of all, you don’t know the language in order to discuss extremely subtle sensations, impressions, memories and fears. And secondly, you will quickly notice that all this does not really interest them.

We were saved by Skype parties. It is important to remember some ritual and repeat it. For example, with some friends, we loved to boil potatoes, cut salmon, make sour cream and garlic sauce, and open a couple of bottles of wine, talking about us at midnight. They began to do the same, but remotely. They cook their potatoes in New York, we our - in Berlin. This, of course, is an ersatz party, but at least something.

If your friends have left, and you have not yet - write to them necessarily and arrange a party. Believe me, it covers them there. And they think they have completely lost you.

Boredom

If you live in Moscow, in almost any city in the world you will be bored than in it. Moscow is both understandable and extremely complex. In it, you can easily find any entertainment: from the subscription for a lecture on Christian architecture of the XII century to sex parties with millionaires.

It seems that all cities can be divided into several categories. There are provincial cities like Chelyabinsk or Springfield. There are boring capitals like Riga or Ottawa, there are pleasant Berlin, Paris, Lisbon, Rome, Tokyo. And there are world capitals: New York, London, Moscow. This means that you will almost always leave Moscow for a more boring city - and start to get bored.

Фото: Depositphotos

Instead of lectures and parties you will get a handful of museums, neighbors with prams and parks. Instead of interesting companies and friendly offices - nauseous corporate culture, from which you want to isolate. When the manager suggested that my wife raise her salary, she asked for an additional day off instead.

In such an atmosphere you want to pupate. I know people who have not left the house for several days at all - and a year ago they happily viewed Google photos of the streets of their new homeland. In order to suffer from this less, it is important to invent new rituals for yourself, literally to pull yourself by the hair out of boredom. For example, once a week go to the museum, each time to a new one, or visit the 30 cafe around the house, make their rating and publish it on Facebook. Every day I walk for at least an hour and take pictures of everything around - somehow it helps.

culture

Cultural differences embed even more than boredom. In early January, you will habitually take the tree in the trash, and the next morning you will find it at your door - you can throw away the trees for only two days a year, and you all missed. Habitually come to inspect a new apartment for rent and find in it a party of dozens like you, and the realtor will only collect from all five-page questionnaires to which you need to attach a photo of all family members including a cat. For the treatment of the tooth, you will be billed in 800 euros, instead of sour cream in the store, buy only salted cottage cheese, a bystander will call the police and sue you for spilling water from the puddle.

I am not even talking about the sufferings of a strong and intelligent thirty-year-old man who cannot cause, and after that - to understand the plumbers who came to repair his blockage. At every step, the world will be slightly different, and at every step he will experience the already shaky immigrant psyche.

Фото: Depositphotos

Before you move, try to find yourself an experienced friend. He goes with you for registration, talk on the phone with an angry neighbor, transfer the account from the bank. Compatriots who emigrated are bored and always happy to help - use this boldly. In a couple of years you will get bored and will transport, walk, talk for others.

Moving is hard. Life will embed as it did not strike before. Your whole life will consist of a bunch of problems. And moving is fun. How else do you know that the surprise egg in German is a kinderurberrashung that you can ride a bike all year round, drink wine in the park and feed the geese with jamon.

Look for a psychotherapist, hold on to friends, take your favorite records with you (not sad ones), drink only expensive alcohol, so as not to break. And do not be afraid.

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